15 September 2015 2484 Views

MOVIE AGONY AUNT ADVISES SUPERMAN

by James Murphy

MOVIEVIRAL PROBLEM PAGE : A DROP IN CLINIC FOR FILM CHARACTERS

SUPERMAN GETS SOME LITE RELIEF FROM OUR AGONY AUNT, TRUDY

SUPERMAN

It’s not just everyday folk that suffer from doubt, fear and panic. Even the mightiest of super-heroes have days where they just can’t face things. Ans so, we have brought in TRUDY LITE, Agony Aunt and Burlesque Superstar..to the rescue!

This week: a MAN OF STEEL feels a bit..redundant. We understand. WARNER BROS clearly prefer BATMAN.

Dear Trudy
 
I honestly don’t know what to do! Am lost (not in space..am from there if it helps, though?). My name is Kal-El /Clark. But you can call me by nom de voyage, SUPERMAN!
I try my best, I really do! I save everyone from crises; I help old ladies across the street; I ensure little cats don’t get stuck up trees. And yet: I’m uncool. NOBODY ‘likes’ me! EVERY time Hollywood try and make a movie about me, they get it so so WRONG!
I had a few great successes in the 1970s and a nice little tv show in the 90s. But it all went pear shaped in 2006 with SUPERMAN RETURNS. They portrayed me as some emo-wally, pining after Lois Lane and unable to move on. Then came 2013’s MAN OF STEEL. A fine movie but DARK and ‘realistic’ trying to keep up with my old mate, BATMAN / The Dark Knight. It did okay business and SHOULD have got a sequel!
batman v superman dawn of justice image
But oh no..instead: BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE. I could cope with that but now it turns out the studio want – shock horror – MORE BATMAN and LESS SUPERMAN! -
WHAT am i doing WRONG? Am i SO out of date? I tried EVERYTHING. I even stopped wearing my underpants outside my trousers and insisted on muted ‘gritty’ tone for my cinema outings. I have a GREAT body. I saved the world (albeit with LOTS of collateral damage in Metropolis: sorry, property owners!). I even stopped fighting for the ‘American Way’!
SUPERDRUNK
Those folks at Marvel made CAPTAIN AMERICA look cool. So WHY oh WHY am I SO uncool? SO unpopular? It is desperately depressing. It’s impacting negatively on my relationship with Lois Lane and I am getting teased by other DC super-heroes. Even AQUAMAN and WONDER WOMAN and GREEN LANTERN are getting more kudos ffs.
WHY does EVERYBODY love miserable old BATMAN yet LOATHE good old me? Am at end of tether and have recently entertained thoughts of asking LEX LUTHOR to give me some Kryptonite to just get it over with.
HELP!
 
Yours ever
 
SUPERMAN! 

TRUDY

❤️ Dear Kal-El/Clark ❤

 
❤️ You’ve come to the right place!  I am best known for my burlesque life coaching for the stars, but my techniques work just as well for super-heroes.  Not only do I empathise with your problems, but I know exactly what the root cause is.  You are clearly suffering from social insecurity, self-doubt and a negative self-image.  
You see, Kal-El, perfectionists and high-achievers are particularly prone to this kind of depressive cycle of self-loathing and feelings of inadequacy.  This has led you, over the years, to being just too damn try-hard, using your powers to impress people and win admirers.  Now listen.  There is nothing cool about a superhero who over-exerts himself.  
Just chill!  Let the occasional super-villain invade Earth! Leave the odd pussy stuck up a tree! Don’t prevent the occasional asteroid strike.  Then they’ll take notice of you.  They’ll be begging for your help.  And most importantly of all, they’ll think you’re cool. ❤

TRUDY2

Follow and Subscribe to Trudy’s Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/TheTrudyLite

 



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