This just in from Trump Towers: the statement that can decide the Presidential Race , 2016!
Donald J Trump himself has launched an astonishing tirade against the businessmen of the movie canon.
It’s an exclusive. Take that, Trolls..y’all be Hillary supporting folk, anyway. But Movie Viral? We’re the SILENT MAJORITY, I tell ya!
Take it away, Donald..
Y’know, I just LOVE Movie-Viral! I tell ya, it’s gonna be tremendous. They’re gonna build a website that’s gonna SMASH ISIS. And it’s built on AMERICAN work. No CHINESE money here! And they respect women, especially Jennifer Lawrence and Lea Seydoux and Tilda Swinton and Gwynnie. And every other beautiful lady film star. Woteva. And those bad hombres attacking them online? You know it’s pathetic. Nasty. just nasty. We’re gonna make movies GREAT again! First thing I’m gonna do in Office? We’ll have to totally look into these bad business-people on film. Bigly. Here’s just my first list of people we have to go after.
- Gordon Gekko: Terrible businessman. Doesn’t even know how to spell his last name! Terrible hair! Kid from Two and a Half Men has bigger hands than little Gordo! Awful investments! Awful choices! He can’t even tweet from his brick phone! I’ll make greed great again! Orange horseshoe loves Chinese steel.
- Emperor Palpatine: Terrible leader. Awful. Career politician. He just sits there like a politician. He got beat bigly. Terrible crime on Coruscant. Wookies everywhere. Darth Vader, he’s awful. He’s no Chris Christie. I know more about the Rebels than the whole galaxy. I’ll make a new Death Star. Huge. The Rebels will pay for it. It just got bigger, okay?
- Willy Wonka: Terrible business man. Awful, okay? His trade deals are killing us. Mrs. Bucket. Yeeesh. Gotta grab her by the wash bucket. Oompa Loompas are waddling across our borders, they’re taking our jobs. Open borders. Radical Oompaism State. No control. Fizzy Lifting trucks on every corner. Awful. No one has a better golden goose than me. Slugworth, great leader.
- Tony Stark: Honestly: who takes a weapons industry and stops building weapons? Who is gonna beat ISIS and CHINA? I tell you..when The MANDARIN or THANOS invade? He’s gonna regret it. Me? I’d reactivate that ULTRON program.
- Bruce Wayne: If Wayne actually respected law enforcement? He’d DO something about crime in Gotham. Terrible. Bad Hombre. I tell you though, the Gotham City Police Department: ZERO CORRUPTION. Good men. And they have endorsed me. So has Max Shreck. And Miranda Tate. And Roman Sionis. Much better than that blue blood playboy pup Wayne.
- Lex Luthor: I tell you: this guy? THE FUTURE! He totally gets technology. He can work COMPUTERS in a big way. Big into defence and making America free of any threat from Kryptonian super-villains. First thing I’ll do when I get into office? Release him from Jail and put Hillary Clinton there instead.
- Ernst Stavro Blofeld: I tell you, those guys at that SPECTRE place? State of the art. YEARS ahead. Totally. Seriously. They control everything. Everywhere. Marvelous people. And Blofeld is the man who built that organisation. You gotta think: wow. He has an operation in Vegas. Mine is bigger, though. My hands. My satellites. My..well you know..Hotels. Yeah.
- Michael Corleone: War hero, yeah? I tell you that maybe the case. But he’s corrupt. Mafia. He can buy all the Vatican Banks he wants but I tell you, first thing I’m gonna do? Investigate him. Then let him off and apologise. Because.
- Catherine Tramell: Nasty. Nasty woman. No respect for men. Does not appreciate law enforcement. And she’s a murderer. Vile. Keeps an ice pick under her bed. Grabs men by the pussy. Then shows hers. I think she looks like Hillary Clinton. They could be the same women. Certainly never seen in same place at same time. Except by Bill Clinton.
Thank you, Mr. Trump!
(nb this piece was in fact NOT written by Mr. Donald Trump but by FRANK MENGARELLI and JAMES MURPHY; marked as ‘satire’ and ‘humor’ just in case you have any doubts..that said..would Donald’s views differ? Feel free to ask the man himself before you vote! )