Our Guest Contributor has a big new job but still took the time to file his copy. This week? He’s going after Steve Rogers, in response to the Marvel Super-hero’s Trump related meltdown..
Hey Movie-Viral. I know: shocking. Awful. The people of film do not all love me. As President Elect though, I accept that. Bad stuff, I tell you. We can put all that in the past. But I’m a good guy. Honestly. I love Air Force One the movie from 1997 starring Harrison Jones..totally amazing theme tune, too. I very much look forward to watching Air Force Two. First thing I’m gonna do when I get into the White House? Force them to make that sequel. Seriously. Twenty years and no franchise? Bad bad business. Terrible.
I will also be issuing pardons to all the terrible celebrities who said such nasty things about me. Al DeNiro: you are forgiven for Bad Grandpa. And Analyze That. Madonna: I pledge to you I will have Body of Evidence and Swept Away wiped from the Internet forever.
JK Potter? I love England and Scotland. Seriously. Total respect for Wizarding, too. I pledge to register all Muggles and build a wall around Hogwarts and hire Connor Strike as a defence consultant. Hillary Clinton: no hard feelings..we’re gonna make a Hillary film and I swear, it’ll be the best ever..Sharon Stone is gonna play you. Richard Gere or Chris Walken as Bill and Scarlett Johannnnnssssssonnnn as Chelsea.
But one guy I cannot forgive? I tell you folks: CAPTAIN AMERICA. Bad Hombre. Terrible. Seriously. He got captured by Red Skull in WW2. Personally, I prefer people that don’t get captured. And then, he takes to Twitter to trash talk me? Oh please! The guy is like 90 years old. Please. He’s no patriot, either, I tell you. Really.
Those folks at SHIELD? Doing perfectly good work to keep all those illegal aliens away from planet Earth (a great planet, seriously, I love it). Then he goes and makes up some story about ‘HYDRA’? Totally destroyed a great American organisation.
So, I’m gonna totally restore SHIELD, seriously. And they’re gonna build a wall. In space. Stop Thanos! Stop those Chitari immigrants coming in and taking this planet (oh and let’s call them Skrulls, ok..no, seriously..that’s what they are!). Steve Rogers? You’re not Captain America anymore. I am! Go back to your life with Winter Soldier and Black Panther. This is Civil War I tell ya.
Anyway I gotta get back to work..I met a friend of outgoing President George Clooney today; calls himself ‘Obama’: now THAT’s a REAL super-hero! Good man, seriously. Steve Rogers: take note 😉
nb President Elect Trump did not really write this. We wish him well. God Bless America. Totally.Â
