DOCTOR WHO SERIES TEN Promises to be a TRULY inclusive and explosive experience for viewers across the sexuality vortex. But will Bigots and the Haters switch off in collective uproar? Let’s See!
In a move guaranteed to cause controversy, the BBC unveiled plans to include some ‘straights’ in the latest series of DOCTOR WHO. Current show-runner, Steven Moffat, was unapologetic when quizzed about the move. Movie Viral are on the case to check the facts on this bold new departure for the show….
Moffat was approachable yet sternly uncompromising. An unnamed source backed up the view, thought to be an edict from ‘The Moff’ himself. ‘Look guys, in the fifty first century, people will be less hung up about these sorts of things. It would be completely unrealistic for a planet’s population to balk at men fancying actual women or vice versa. In fact, there would probably be actual RIGHTS for straights: they can get married and everything!’.
It’s a fair point and one with which the Doctor himself would concur, judging by his past ‘form’ in this area, throughout the show’s 54 year history, whereby heterosexuality has been broached, frequently, (albeit implicitly, to avoid causing offence).
The Third Doctor, (Jon Pertwee), maybe had a bit of a soft spot for Jo Grant (Katy Manning: she of nudey Dalek fame..sexiest pictures, ever). Both 4th and 5th Doctors (Tom Baker and Peter Davison) might have had a fun menage a trois thing going on with Nyssa and Tegan in some deleted scenes, which is why Adric killed himself in Earthshock, out of jealousy.
Colin Baker’s Sixth Doctor (thought to have been too butch and macho a manifestation of the Doctor: typical discrimination against straights back in the 1980s) possibly developed latent heterosexual earth male feelings for Melanie (Bonnie Langford), causing him to bang his head on the console and regenerate in shock. ‘Carrot Juice’ might well have been a coded euphemism when deployed as the famous last words of Baker’s Sixth Doctor.
Sylvester McCoy’s 7th was from the ‘treat them mean, keep them keen’ school, with his lovely companion (played by the divine Sophie Aldred) agreeing it was ‘Ace’ for them to express repressed chemistry by deliberately exploring her deepest, darkest, childhood fears. Frustrated Time-lord Foreplay? Or: a warm up for his full on coming out as a straight in later incarnations…
It’s all in the interpretation, of course. Meta-textual, heterosexual. But it did get more complicated. Eighth Doctor (Paul McGann) went further and actually KISSED an actual WOMAN (Grace Holloway, played by the lovely Daphne Ashbrook). We do not count the War Doctor in this, as he was fighting the Time War: the late, great, John Hurt, we salute you!
Doc 9 (Christopher Eccleston) almost did it with Jabe the Tree-Person (Yasmin Bannerman), but that was most certainly a lady tree (no jokes about her ‘Bush’, please..show some respect for the poor deceased tree creature; she gave her life on that Earth-death observatory platform). And we all know about the 10th and 11th /some viewers’ ideal NEXT, ‘de-generation’ Doctors, (David Tennant and Matt Smith). Women of all species LOVED them!
IE: Rumours of straights in DOCTOR WHO are nothing new: not only among the supporting cast companions but yes, the leading Timelord hero himself. And, if we are to believe the latest, it appears that Steven Moffat is going full on hetero with this show; both confirming what we have always known about its ‘straight agenda’ and at the same time, going the extra mile for equality.
Leaked story titles include ‘Planet of the Gays‘ (in which straight innuendo is thought to feature heavily) and ‘The Menopause of Death‘ (wherein the Doctor buys a motorbike, gets an earring and faces off against the evil Osteo-Parosoids).
That is all thought to build up to a story arc conclusion with a giant pay off, whereby the Doctor (Peter Capaldi) will ‘come out’ to the universe from the Closet of his TARDIS and tell an army of heterophobic enemies (led by the John Simm/ Michelle Gomez Master/Mistress) that he is ‘straight and proud’, before regenerating into the next actor, who many believe might also be a proper hetero in real life (subject to being ‘inned’ as straight by a tabloid newspaper in time).
This is of course all open to change and might be speculation or indeed misinformation, spread by Moffat’s detractors. To find out the truth, you will simply have to do what you should ALWAYS do when trying to find out what happens in Doctor Who..and that is – wait for it – WATCH DOCTOR WHO!
But expect the usual strengths from Moffat era Who (intricate and intelligent plotting, literate word play, epic visuals) and possibly weaknesses (characters defined by the wrong things; smug in jokes and faux emotional pay-offs that simply aren’t earned;) and an overall fascinating piece of television, whether one enjoys it or loathes it, in any event. Moffat is certainly one of the best Plot-Smiths working today.
And, thanks largely to its re-launch back in 2005 in the Russell T Davies era, DOCTOR WHO is above all a family show and inclusive for ALL the walks of life that its very ethos transcends. Class, gender, race oh and yes: sexuality: irrelevant, both to plot and even more critically – CHARACTER! –
Joking apart: THAT sense of open minded hope and sheer, unfettered, optimistic joy in discovering people, without the blocks created by prejudice, is one of the many reasons for still watching and loving DOCTOR WHO, whatever your age (I am 903/37: cut me some slack).
A new series of DOCTOR WHO begins this weekend on BBC. We might review it. But equally we might turn it off in protest at this disgusting display of equality on television. Straight people on a family show, indeed! What’s the universe coming to? SHAMELESS TOKENISM, I tell you!
Good Luck to ALL involved with the new series of DOCTOR WHO. nb for Thickety-Thick Trolly Wolly types: this post is marked under ‘HUMO(U)R’. Ie no offence meant to homophobes, heterophobes, straights, gays..or Scottish show-runners under pressure to please everyone. GERONIMO!