WARNING! Sir Patrick Stewart CANNOT BE TRUSTED on BREXIT!
(With thanks to our sponsors; the Popular Peoples’ Front of Proper Good old fashioned TRADITIONAL BRITISH values: Remember: we stand together better. By standing alone. Outside anywhere. Totally on our OWN. Yep.)
Sir Patrick Stewart thinks he can fool you all into overturning BREXIT! He is wrong. He CANNOT be trusted! You may THINK you know him. But our undercover reporters have done some digging that PROVES the man is NOT acting in the BRITISH interest. Let the FACTS do the TALKING! No FAKE NEWS here!
1: SIR PATRICK STEWART is NOT his real name.
The man uses ALIASES! LeoDegrance. Chuck Dupree. Charles Xavier. ‘Maitre’D’. Notice how those are ALL FRENCH! The man is a TRAITOR. Obviously in league with / on payroll of the French Government. He goes by many of those names if you really dig deep enough in the Internet.
But the one that crops up most? JEAN LUC PICARD! AND not just that. Not grateful enough for /content with being a BRITISH KNIGHT? They made him a CAPTAIN!~
So, Jean Luc: go BACK TO FRANCE! We will buy you a TICKET! A BIENTOT! AU-RESEVOIR. HASTA LA VISTA. Any other FRENCH greetings you care to cite..basically..GOODBYE.
2: SIR PATRICK STEWART is a FEDERALIST!
We have obtained BOTH photographic AND video evidence on this one. Stewart is in league with EUROPEAN federalists intent on taking away YOUR BRITISH sovereignty (copyright: THE BRITAIN NOW AND FIRST AND HAPPILY EVER AFTER PARTY). Worse still, though? He is a GLOBALIST. EVEN WORSE than THAT? This man wants an entire FEDERATION OF PLANETS! Imagine that!
A universe wide declaration of your ‘human’ rights, with a bunch of bureaucrats on Mars or wherever telling PROPER EARTH PEOPLE how to spend THEIR money or that they cannot deport ‘ILLEGAL ALIENS’. Also, racist against the Swedish, with ‘Picard’ personally declaring war on ‘The Borg’.
Well, not so fast, Sir Patrick. We CAUGHT you! These secret meetings he attended came with uniform, logo and even a personal yacht named the ‘ENTERPRISE’. No doubt paid for by TAXPAYER money from OUR planet.
We will not stand for this outrage; as though we could all live long and prosper together. Well, he certainly cannot ‘make it so’.
3: He was part of an ILLEGAL BRAINWASHING programme for Military Assassins!
DON’T try and deny it, Patrick! You think you can play Mr Nice and pull wool over our eyes (BRITISH wool, too from BRITISH SHEEP: Copyright, League of BRITISH SHEEP FOR AND AGAINST BREXIT). BAHHHH. We know better. Yep. We have obtained disturbing footage of Stewart, under an assumed name of ‘Jonas’, capturing a clearly vulnerable MEL GIBSON and subjecting him to vile and cruel torments.
This was a bid to get Gibson on board with European federalism and against BREXIT. Political assassinations were not ruled out, as Mel was to be known as Stewart’s ‘lethal weapon’ in the field. Some of the anti BRITISH programming worked, with Gibson forced into making films designed to undermine our lovely history of occupying other nations.
Code-named ‘Braveheart’ and ‘The Patriot’; these films are clearly anti British PROPAGANDA; written by Patrick Stewart and his team. Gibson obviously acted under duress, though thankfully, escaped, by biting Stewart’s nose and slapping his head.
Sadly, Mel was never quite the same again after his traumatic experiences and now lives as a hermit, reduced to occasional work acting in comedy sequels and directing epic films about Jesus. We believe Mel to be currently in hiding from Patrick Stewart, in a place called ‘EIRE‘ (still BRITISH, yeah and don’t believe anyone saying otherwise: HARD BREXIT = HARD BORDER).
Our thoughts are with Mel and his family.
4: HE IS A FRAUDULENT, BENEFIT CHEAT! WE HAVE PRO(O)F (X)!
Have you ever seen SIR PATRICK STEWART in a WHEELCHAIR? No. Thought not. That is because YOU do not work in the BENEFITS OFFICE (the BRITISH one: notice EUROPEAN BENEFIT CHEATS come HERE to get help!). Well, isn’t it interesting that the usually fit, mobile, healthy Sir Patrick can STILL ride around in a WHEELCHAIR when it SUITS HIM?
Don’t try and deny it, ‘Professor Charles Xavier’, ‘Professor X’.. We HAVE the photos AND the video-clips. To add insult to his non injuries? You impersonated an academic as part of your alias in the bid to make false claims. You can walk. Get off your backside, out of that WHEEL-CHAIR and on your BIKE and LOOK FOR WORK!
5: REPEATED FAILURE TO HONOUR BASIC WORKER / ANIMAL RIGHTS
All nice and luvvy aren’t you about EUROPE, eh, Pat? But when it really comes down to the nitty gritty of being generous to employees at CHRISTMAS? Or showing respect for saving WHALES? We know you have ‘form’ for real cruelty. Yep. And yes, we have the footage, the pictures. ARE YOU LISTENING? Course not. HUMBUG!
Also, the name he gives the whale in question? Well let’s just say it is NOT suitable for FAMILY audiences. MOBY COCK. Disgusting. Pure filth. And several of his most hardworking employees went hungy. At CHRISTMAS (a festival the BRITISH invented: hence Patrick Stewart opposing it). Tiny Tim: we are very sorry about Bob Cratchett and the terrible treatment you received.
Conclusion? Sir Patrick Stewart cannot be trusted on Brexit. He is a clear and present danger to the United Kingdom and as such, Movie-Viral MUST make the public aware of that. We will KEEP digging, Sir ‘Pat’. Just you wait! Oh yes. Oh and DON’T think that you can hide out by sending in a double. We have SEEN your tactics before: trying to confuse us by deploying look-a-likes:
or evading our phone-taps with sound-a-likes:
RULE BRITANNIA! SAVE BREXIT! HARDEST OF HARD BREXIT. WE LIKE IT HARD! Oh yes! And STOP SIR PATRICK STEWART! 😉
(nb: note this article is filed under ‘humor’ and is intended for purposes of satire and/or education).
James Murphy has nothing against Sir Patrick Stewart. Or Brexiteers. Or Remainers. Or Star Trek, X Men or..you get it. And if not? Well you have problems, Brexit or no Brexit 😉