09 July 2018 818 Views

Pennywise the Clown to head up new BREXIT negotiations

by James Murphy

YOU’LL VOTE TOO! YOU’LL VOTE TOO! PENNYWISE THE DANCING CLOWN TO SUPERVISE BREXIT 

‘I AM PENNYWISE, THE BREXIT CLOWN!’

You seem like a nice PM. Bet you got a lot of enemies? Would you like a BALLOON? Cotton candy! Soft Brexit! You’ll FLOAT! You will VOTE! WE ALL FLOAT DOWN HERE, Theresa!

In an unprecedented and bold move by UK Prime Minister, Theresa May: Pennywise, the dancing clown, is to be appointed chief BREXIT negotiator. It is thought only he can bring the STRONG AND STABLE leadership needed, having worked for a thousand years, tirelessly, as a world devouring, inter-dimensional, super-demon. His appeal is cross generational, given that he scared the living shit out of a bunch of kids in the 1980s and 90s. Now grown up, they have been approached for comment but are busy filming IT Chapter two.

 

Pennywise is just what the Tories need right now. He can be taken seriously and take on any form required. The clown is thought to be most appropriate at this moment in time. He was a big fan of Tony Blair and taught him how to grin. Some people even think he advised Cameron that Brexit was a great idea. As a bit of a goof. He did not expect an actual referendum. Let alone a win for ‘leave’.

A great believer in cross party politics, the dancing clown is thought to have written many speeches for Jeremy Corbyn and Diane Abbott though refused to have anything to do with Chuka Umunna (‘anyone who says ‘white trash’ offends the whole clowning community‘). Donald Trump is also thought to be a ‘great admirer’ of Pennywise and even held a summit with him on the de-clownisation of North Korea. That worked really well. So hopes are naturally high for this new Brexit phase.

 

French President Minister Emmanuelle Macron is however thought to fear Pennywise, because the dancing clown can seem somewhat threatening to anyone under 15. A BALLOON has been offered atop the Eiffel Tower as an incentive. ‘You seem like a nice garcon..must have some faux amis: I have FROGS’ LEGS! SNAILS! COTTON CANDY!’. He will not be unsupervised, though: Justin Trudedough will babysit at all times. Wise Ravi Shankar, the Irish leader, is impervious to any supernatural power though and has warned of a hard border between Earth and the inter-dimensional space if there is any attempt to offer him a nice balloon.

We need a tough negotiator and Pennywise can certainly bring that quality to the table. It is thought that those who disagree with him are chased into a corridor of Brussels and forced down a storm-drain on the promise of balloons, cotton candy and a second referendum. He quite literally devours the opposition.

Those who know ‘Penny’ are delighted by the new appointment:

Chucky, the demon doll asked if we wanted to ‘play’ and looks forward to watching Pennywise progress. Freddy Krueger thinks it is a ‘dream job’. Jason Vorhees was thrilled ‘just in time for FRIDAY 13th!’. Michael Myers was more cautious, adding the situation needed constant review and we’d see if ‘Pennywise is still in that job by Halloween’. Together, they can perhaps consult on navigating the HORROR of the looming evil shadow of the nasty curse of the terrible BREXIT! 

A notoriously private person, Pennywise is unmarried and tends to disappear for generations, only emerging when ‘hungry to devour’. His hobbies include balloon making, performance art, street theatre and babysitting. Whilst this is a brave and bold, even STRONG AND STABLE move by Theresa May, we anticipate all enemies of a good Brexit settlement to step off grid, mysteriously, assured they will get a nice BREXIT BALLOON.

 

And we at Movie-Viral will keep you posted. You seem like a nice reader…

See above: a cordial meeting / table read of a script, in Brussels, between EU leaders and the UK negotiation team. #ifonly 😉

 

nb: filed under ‘satire’. D’oh. God Bless /save Britannia /Brexit. IT Part two is shooting now, starring James McAvoy and Jessica Chastain for release late next year. Just in time for #BREXIT 😉

 

 



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