21 July 2018 1281 Views

BREAKING: BARR-DIANS OF THE GALAXY: ROSEANNE SET TO REPLACE JAMES GUNN AND DIRECT GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, VOL 3

by James Murphy

 

EXCLUSIVE: As James Gunn gets..well..gunned out of the Marvel franchise..a successor may have been appointed, already. 

 

 

In absolutely NO WAY FAKE NEWS AT ALL. Totes.

We teamed with: Julian Lasagne’s Wikipuddles, Edward Everest and Reddthat.

Did RUSSIA help us? Let’s just say that I don’t see why they could. I mean couldn’t. I mean..aw, busted..;)

Cutting to the chase (yes we can say ‘chase’; it’s not a rude word). ROSEANNE BARR IN LINE TO DIRECT GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, VOLUME 3

That’s the shock of the ‘who’. But what of the ‘how’ and ‘why’..well..using those super secret sources mentioned earlier, we have managed to gain some top secret insider info from Disney /Marvel and it goes something like this..

  • Gunn HAD to be fired. Yes, he really did. Was it a witch-hunt? Maybe. Someone spent a LOT of time mining those tweets. But even so..
  • Whilst everyone has a moment, even multiple moments of internet madness (sharing the wrong links, ranting, drinking and tweeting / facebooking..)..

 

  • This dude actually sat down and, for whatever reason, typed stuff that included actual paedo themed ‘jokes’. Nasty shit. Not funny. Kinda scary, in fact?
  • It’s not like say, UK Channel 4’s BRASSEYE show that mocked the hysteria surrounding paedophilia. No. These tweeted jokes actually reference and trivialise the innocence of kids.
  • That was totally at odds with Disney’s duty of care to families, to kids and so on and an apology from 2012 just don’t cut it.

  • It’s completely alien to Gunn’s generally warm, family friendly, inspirational fun and messages of inclusive community, modelled in his excellent work on the Guardians films (well, the first anyway: part 2?..less so..in fact that was just as creepy as the tweets in places?)
  • Feeling in house is that he is a very talented bloke so this will NOT ruin him indeed it MIGHT just be the making of him.
  • This is vulnerability and not malice at work, but even so MUST be remedied, and off company time. 

 

  • Gunn basically a well liked, good, decent seeming dude who has not actually hurt anyone and studio happy to help get help.
  • Dave Bautista (who does NOT suffer fools..) has already expressed views. 
  • Guardians 3 could benefit, like ALL franchises, from occasional change in personnel and tone to match, especially post INFINITY WAR. 

So it all has a happy ending (no not like THAT: You have been warped already by reading too many Gunn tweets).

And in fact, so pleased and proud of /with themselves were they at Dinsel/Marveney that they decided to go one stage further. Eliminate ANY and ALL notions that it is a leftist minority Trump hating factory. Ignore ALL notions that they have been too slow to deploy female directors or protect actors in other brands (cough..Star Wars) from the nasty lil keyboard menaces they themselves helped create.

I give you the news of the Marvel/Disney VERY POSITIVE IN NO WAY NEGATIVE DISCRIMINATION ACTION STARTER HELP PROGRAMME ALL INCLUSIVE.

The idea is to employ ostracised tweeters previously unrepresented; the moment that another ostracised tweeter gets fired.

 

And it is in that spirit that ROSEANNE BARR has been pencilled in as James Gunn’s possible replacement on Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3. Yes, that is the title (one disgusting, vile human being wrote ‘Paedos of the Galaxy‘: rest assured that they too have been fired..then re-hired..then fired again and also tortured and killed, then resurrected, in space, under this job share programme).

Roseanne is thought to bring a new, female voice to the brand, as well as some more funny jokes (NOT about paedos you sick f”k) and also some interesting ideas for crossover possibilities. GUARDIANS OF THE PLANET OF THE APES! (not racist coz, the living planet baddies are actually white). It is thought that the enemies will include the MIGHTY TRAMADOL (spoiler alert: will hypnotise Chris Pratt into playing Indiana Jones, for Disney, for free) and the feared ‘SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIORS!’.

Exciting stuff! MMGA: MAKE MARVEL GREAT AGAIN! MAKE DISNEY GREAT AGAIN (MDMA). NO TO GUN(N) CONTROL! There is also some GREAT synergy here: DISNEY + MARVEL + ABC = MORE DISNEY!!! 

We asked KEVIN FEIGE to comment. But that also might be a big fat lie. He is not at Comic-Con, anyways…though we DID catch THIS pic of him with CAPTAIN RUSSIA..

 

 

And if it does all go wrong? Just blame Trump. Or Russia. Or both? Roseanne can be replaced with Sara Gilbert. Or Christopher Plummer. Ah sod it, let’s just call the Russo Brothers and get THEM to do it. Yes! MARVEL OWN YOU FOR LIFE, RUSSOS..There is NO escape. No, not even through TWITTER! JOIN US FOR LIFE AND /OR BE FIRED! LORD AND MILLER are also ready on the phone (they have experience..of being fired..at Disney subsidiary LucasFilm). 

nb: filed under ‘satire’. But with SOME important truths and frankly, ..stranger things have happened and this IS Hollywood so..yeah. 😉

 

Thoughts and Prayers with Marvel/Disney during this difficult time.

Movie Viral is an equal opportunities publication platform: we will send up both right and left wings..because you are both riddled with extremist hypocrisy, shielded by a celeb sideshow war on Twitter in which some victims are innocent scapegoats and some are..well..y’know.

 



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