02 September 2019 744 Views

Time to OUT the Secretly GAY STAR WARS Characters!

by James Murphy

STAR WARS: ‘Friends of Princess Leia’.. It’s time to bring those Gays in Space out of the Galactic Closet. They must no longer Fear Discrimination by the Empire! 

THE RISE OF SKYWALKER is here in December. LOTS of leaks abound: from is Rey a clone to is the Emperor back? (IE: WE DON’T KNOW UNTIL WE SEE THE MOVIE!) Meantime? Let’s consider the elephant in the room..the fact that Disney hinted they’d give us some gay characters in this universe. They have not done so, as yet. So we are taking the lead. OUT! OUT! OUT!..

Here. We..GO!

  • PALPATINE: Very, very GAY. Rumour is he comes back in Rise of Skywalker just to come..OUT! Think about it: he has a penchant for big party pieces (Death Stars). He likes to have a big strapping blonde bloke serving him. He can ‘FEEL’ your anger as you look at that light sabre. MASSIVE fan of musical theatre, too: his chosen location to corrupt Anakin. Had he just come to terms with being gay? Then an entire galactic civil war could have been prevented.

  • Luke Skywalker: Has unrequited man-crush on Han Solo. Gets his sister to snog him so he can try going with a woman and look less gay. Never marries. Teases Palpatine with his dark side potential only to then ghost and gaslight him. This is a man tortured by his inability to accept his gay feelings.

  • C3P0: Goes cottaging and cruising in Cloud City and gets beaten up. Cannot admit his feelings for R2, though to be fair, that counterpart droid has been known to change sex, spontaneously. Gets excited by Lando and Han. Could be a phase but..

 

  • Tarkin: Leia says it all. He keeps Darth Vader on a ‘leash’. He wears pink slippers under the tables of his Death Star meetings. The whole destroying planets thing is pure repression, anger and fear of not being accepted by an Empire that discriminates against people who are GOOD – AS -YOU!

  • Poe Dameron: There was a LOT of gay talk about this character and it was thought he and Finn would go gay. It’s failed to happen and no leaks from Episode 9 have told us differently. But we are OUTING him, anyway. Because it is the ONLY discernible character trait that MIGHT make this character in ANY way interesting, complex, cool, hip, up to date, or anything other than a poor man’s Han Solo rip off wannabe.

 

 

  • Boba Fett: Think about it. The guy CAN dress! Has rainbow colours built into his rocket. He CAN MOVE! And spends a LOT of time stalking Obi-Wan and Han Solo. Just sayin’..

 

If YOU know any other GAY characters in STAR WARS..OUT THEM NOW! The time has come! It is their DESTINY! 

nb: filed under..

 

 

 



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