STOP THE PRESS! THIS JUST IN! MARTY MEETS MARVEL?
It was only a matter of time. The greatest custodian of cinematic culture marries the source of popular popcorn product, in an actual comic book movie?! Yep. Turns out all that trash talking was a big wind up. Marty Scorsese not only LOVES Marvel. He’s gonna make them a filim. For F(R)eE!
Now, details v sketchy (bit like that deal with Sony over Spidey). But here is what we know, so far:
- It’s an elseworlds style take. One off. No damage to existing continuity in the MCU : can be its own thing whilst trading off established IP.
- Period Piece: so might be a young Howard Stark or alternative timeline Tony? Possibly the Fantastic Four? Leonardo DiCaprio (#LEEEEOOOO) will play either a Stark or Mr Fantastic or some surrealist mash-up of both characters.
- Robert DeNiro will cameo as the HULK. No make-up or mo-cap. He’s going full on method and injecting gamma radiation. They will film him making abusive phone calls to super-villains. Jack Nicholson and Daniel Day Lewis are also expected to return from retirement just for this historic Marvel /Marty collaboration.
- It will be short at just 2 hours, 30 minutes. By Marvel standards? That is slacking off. ENDGAME has a 24 hour cut somewhere but Marty prefers shorter stories, like the 3 1/2 hour version of THE IRISHMAN!
- It will be rated R. Scenes of drug use, sex and some excessive scenes of uncut panning shots across rooms will make this the first truly ‘adult’ movie from Marvel.
- But there will also be a kids’ version, animated, intended also as an archival history of ALL Cinema..to get the kiddies’ weened off this comic book crap and into PROPER Cinema, pronto!
- Expect some steampunk versions of traditional Marvel tropes and gadgets. Iron Man = literally, a suit smelted from actual iron. Captain America’s serum will be a full on drug addiction drama, as we see nice Steve Rogers sink into the dangers of overusing the magic potion to escape his fear of a truly awful old age.
- Marty has an option to pull out, once the actual groundwork and creative vision have been defined. Marvel’s phone has a speed dial option: 1-800-TODD-PHILLIPS : for when you just wanna Scorsese tribute movie..and cannot be arsed to employ the actual Martin..accept no substitutes..well..maybe this one..
- Dr Strange (Cumberbatch) is depicted hearing the Confession of Kingpin ( Vincent D’Onofrio). They then go for Pasta with Red Skull and his mom, as opera plays in the background.
More on this as and when we have it. Nb: It might be total bollox. But stranger things do happen.
nb: filed under satire
nb2: Marty is not saying that one cannot enjoy/watch/make Marvel movies. He simply cautions against monopoly whereby it’s the only formula in storytelling rather than a platform TO other more sophisticated, experimental pieces.
nb3: He can say what he wants. He’s SCORSESE, ffs!
nb4: Some of Scorsese’s pictures are as entertaining as Marvel counterparts. I had more fun with The Departed and Silence (which has Kylo Ren and Spiderman, and Qui Gon Al Guhl!) than in Endgame. Just sayin.