…By Being Even MORE Boring, Pointless and Bland than you could POSSIBLY IMAGINE..
See for yourself, here:
Why am I so harsh?
- This full trailer reveals fewer details than its preceding TEASER!
- ZERO indication of plot /premise /character arcs.
- Faux notions of completing a saga: this offers NOTHING that seems to add to or explain or enhance the original trilogy, anymore or less than the divisive prequels did.
- Shoehorning bland characters into the big picture as though they matter: POE DAMERON is still front and centre of the action. Yaw. Rose Tiko gets a lingering close up. Why?
- Whose story IS this? Is Finn still our ‘way in’? Is it about the redemption of Kylo? Or just about lots of shots of Daisy, looking cute.
- The Emperor SEEMS to be our big bad here. Ok, fine. Except that inevitably detracts from the victories of the past films plus confirms Snoke and all prior plots a kind of red herring in this trilogy? AND it surely, inevitably, takes us down a dark magic style path in tone, rather than the big/bold war film in space with just a hint of wizardry that defined even Empire Strikes Back / Return of the Jedi? These things are a delicate balancing act. Always.
- We have LEIA! Fine. But WHY? Her role was basically done by the end of the last movie, anyway. And Carrie Fisher, adorably funny and clever as she was, I suspect, loathed, in her capacity as a writer, the kind of mawkish story contrivances that facilitates her inclusion here?
- Zero sex appeal /romance. No Reylo! NOTHING to match the Han/Leia or even sand loathing Anakin/Padme (or was that Anakin /Obi-Wan? I forget..).
- No gays! Where is our Finn/Poe kiss? And no, C3P0 and Palpatine don’t count as proper homosexual gays. That’s cheating!
- Tidies things up..neatly..blandly..bringing us full circle into nothing, via over-compensation for the much maligned yet now, by contrast, at least marginally interesting Last Jedi.
So, whilst this is perfectly polished and visually stunning and even still baits my curiosity a little bit for completion? The future of STAR WARS is in television /streaming.
