Presidential Election Speeches Leaked. Shock! Horror!
It’s Been Coming a While. Both Parties had time to Draft. Thanks to Putin and North Korea for their helpful hacking here..
BIDEN ACCEPTANCE SPEECH:
‘This is PROOF! That ANYONE can make it! If you just sit it out for nearly 50 years. If you NEVER stand up for a cause! If you CHANGE YOUR MIND ON EVERYTHING! If you vote on the WRONG foreign policy decisions! If you just shout VERY LOUDLY about NOT BEING RACIST and being an OK SORTA GUY! If you have a lop sided grin and do a so so Harrison Eastwood impression! If the entire media establishment is on YOUR side! If you do deals with a previous rival lady as your running mate, despite her implying you were a bad guy who was ok with the black/white divide! If you fail to condemn leftist anarchy. That you. Yes YOU. No, sorry, ME. That I can indeed, win. An old dawn is breaking, is it not? Now, I will go and cure Covid!’
TRUMP CONCESSION SPEECH:
Yeah? TOLD YOU I WOULD WIN! What do you mean I lost? So what. I WAS BEING SARCASTIC. DOH! DIDN’T WANT TO BE PRESIDENT AGAIN ANYWAY. Wouldn’t live in that White House if you PAID me! There were some very fine people in this selection. On Both sides! I WILL BUILD A WALL (with Lego). I have lots of other stuff lined up. I am gonna be in a HOME ALONE spin-off, based on my excellent cameo in the second film in that series. Unlike YOU, Alec Baldwin. Seriously. Now I am gone? WHAT WILL YOU ALL DO in Hollywood? WHAT will you even talk about on Twitter? How will you all look so righteous? Seriously. This is the most successful failure EVER for ANY PRESIDENT in the HISTORY of the UNIVERSE. And now, I am off..gotta play laser tag, pillow fights, eat burgers and ice cream, play X Box, watch DVDs and dorm raid before my folks pick me up for term break. And no, you are not invited. Coz you are not my friend anymore. So there!’
HILLARY CLINTON SPEECH:
Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen ..see you in 4 😉
(nb Hillary should be played by Sharon Stone; Bill = Richard Gere; I told Chelsea as much once back in Oxford..lovely family).
nb: content and indeed outcome, subject to change.
Good luck one and all and GOD BLESS AMERICA! 😉