08 March 2021 625 Views

Hamlet in trouble after exile from Court

by James Murphy

‘Something is rotten in the state of Denmark’, he says..

Prince Hamlet has left Elsinore Castle and absconded his royal duties. Current whereabouts unknown. Though there are rumours he is big in Japan. And may have skived off toward England to meet his old pal Prince Hal. Fortinbras’ Norway is also a possibility. 

He is notoriously guarded about his privacy. That being said, certain court insiders have managed to garner the following nuggets. Not necessarily direct quotations. Go to Cliffs notes if in doubt.

  • ‘I do not have to serve in Elsinore, yeah? Service is WORLDWIDE! And there are stranger things on heaven and earth than you have eva dreamed’. 
  • ‘Ophelia is not being treated well at Court. Her mental health is suffering.’
  • ‘I have contemplated suicide yeah. I had a to be or not 2 b moment. I saw my father’s ghost!’. 
  • ‘I may have PTSD coz my uncle killed my dad and now doth be shagging my mom’.
  • ‘The Press have been very cruel to my mother. She is called Queen Gertrude. NOT ‘Dirty Gerty’.  

It is thought that Hamlet is concentrating on some media projects, notably a play with a travelling theatre company. Rumour has it the play is part of a multi project deal and begins with a tragedy thriller about a murder of a monarch. Working title: PLAYA KING. 

 

More news when we have it..

 



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