08 March 2021 928 Views

Harry and Meghan to team with Pope Francis for new Exercise Video

by James Murphy

They are taking the media by storm! They be bringing down da house (of Windsor)! And now: it is time for ‘PRAY-A-CIZE’ with the Pope!

Breaking: Pope Francis had an idea. A VISION! He thought about going on Dragons’ Den with the pitch ‘What does the average person spend lots of time doing? EXERCISE! But imagine in our busy lives, merging that with PRAYER!’. Instead, he has teamed with the sort of still Royal couple du jour, Haz n Megz. 

It will be streamed as part of their Netflix deal and will also premiere on Vatican plus (a new platform for Catholics and a n other species of faith believers and exercise nuts).

PRAY-A-CISE. EXERCISE YOUR DEMONS!

Harry (who is also setting up as a Pastor in America) will boil lentils and bang the guitar to hits such as ‘Bind us together’ and ‘Shine Jesus Shine’ while Meghan and Pope Francis do squats and plank and the like. With each rep done, the idea is to say a prayer / decade of the rosary. Folks can phone in with requests for a blessing from Meghan, for a small fee of $1000 a minute per call.

Will it take off? Time will tell. But the brand is HOT. Big time. In no way at all copiously urinating on the legacy of a Royal family who spent 25 years adjusting, atoning and reforming, only to have its efforts rubbished. Not in the slightest bit disrespectful to the institution of monarchy.

Never in a million years at all damaging the UK brand in the eyes of Americans and thereby compromising potential revenue gains from tourist visits? At no point deeply attention seeking, patronising and pointless in the face of people who struggle with far greater problems, worldwide.

Oh and absolutely no irony in the sheer stupidity of a couple who WERE being embraced by BOTH English and American markets; with a wedding to end all weddings; upstaging the very competing Royal courts from which they claimed a need to breakaway anyway. Her profile not at all dependent upon the fact that she married a Prince and that’s about it.

Remember: be kind, yeah? Even to self aggrandising, overexposed, patronising, slow talking, misery broking attention seekers. And for record: I loved both Harry and Meghan. Before THIS current bombardment, 24/7 on news media. Middle east peace and economic crashes get less airtime. 

Go in peace, yeah? Be kind! 😉

STOP PRESS! Sadly, this initiative has been scuppered. Talks broke down. The Vatican asked whether the couple wanted the videos broadcast in ‘colour’ or ‘black and white’. Meghan took offence and was outraged over the insensitivity of that comment. The plan is now for her to stand for the Papacy herself with Pope-rah Winfrey proposing Megz to the College of Cardinals. But you can still purchase the video. For $31 million, from Netflix. More news when we have it. 

 

nb: filed under satire; usual caveats.



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