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Someone make it stop. Please. 

UNCHARTED was a computer game. They made it a movie. There is a trailer to warn us all about its inevitable release.

Formula, roughly as follows:

  • Mentor recruits young callow youth wannabe buck challenger.
  • Young hero is 20-30 yet impossibly competent and over qualified.
  • Rich people looking at maps.
  • Action scene on an aircraft carrier.
  • English actor as leading man doing a so so American accent.

 

  • Stars of the 1990s/200s/2010s as mentor figures /antagonists.
  • Unearned in jokes which are ripped off from James Bond.
  • Unearned archaeological idiom, borrowed from Indiana Jones.
  • Trying to make Tom Holland a ‘star’ rather than just a solid little actor who was good as nerdy acrobat Spider-Kid, because he is, in real life..not that far removed from said profile.
  • Trying to make Mark Wahlberg convince as something other than blue collar thick thug.
  • NB: ALL the above = ‘imho’ and edge on ‘satire’!
  • And the film will do big business no matter what I say. 🙂

Basically? Think: KINGSMAN + TOMB RAIDER + FAST AND FURIOUS +MISSION:IMPOSSIBLE? Dash of SPIDER-MAN /TRANSFORMERS. 

Put simply? Indiana Jones can sleep safely in his bed at night. Even at 80, this new kid poses ZERO threat! 



Trailers

FANTASTIC BEASTS NEW TRAILER LANDS
FANTASTIC BEASTS NEW TRAILER LANDS
JURASSIC WORLD: DOMINION new Trailer is in
JURASSIC WORLD: DOMINION new Trailer is in
New HARRRRRYYYY POTTY’S FANTASTIC MEAT TRAILER IS UP
New HARRRRRYYYY POTTY’S FANTASTIC MEAT TRAILER IS UP

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