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Someone make it stop. Please. 

UNCHARTED was a computer game. They made it a movie. There is a trailer to warn us all about its inevitable release.

Formula, roughly as follows:

  • Mentor recruits young callow youth wannabe buck challenger.
  • Young hero is 20-30 yet impossibly competent and over qualified.
  • Rich people looking at maps.
  • Action scene on an aircraft carrier.
  • English actor as leading man doing a so so American accent.

 

  • Stars of the 1990s/200s/2010s as mentor figures /antagonists.
  • Unearned in jokes which are ripped off from James Bond.
  • Unearned archaeological idiom, borrowed from Indiana Jones.
  • Trying to make Tom Holland a ‘star’ rather than just a solid little actor who was good as nerdy acrobat Spider-Kid, because he is, in real life..not that far removed from said profile.
  • Trying to make Mark Wahlberg convince as something other than blue collar thick thug.
  • NB: ALL the above = ‘imho’ and edge on ‘satire’!
  • And the film will do big business no matter what I say. 🙂

Basically? Think: KINGSMAN + TOMB RAIDER + FAST AND FURIOUS +MISSION:IMPOSSIBLE? Dash of SPIDER-MAN /TRANSFORMERS. 

Put simply? Indiana Jones can sleep safely in his bed at night. Even at 80, this new kid poses ZERO threat! 



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