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And it is EVERYTHING wrong with modern Cinema.

WARNING: DARK AND DANGEROUS LANGUAGE AHEAD!

sO: The new Dumble-Bore trailer itself is fine. Big choral music. Big names. Just BIG.

But: (AND IT’S A big BUTTTT with bouncing fat tyres attached):

 

1:

Twitter (aka ‘the shitter’, just to me?) choose to trend the trailer in tandem with self promotional trans divisive identity algorithm politics. Where JK (bless her beautiful socks) is effectively put on trial by a mob of nasties.

2:

Nobody has copped onto the whole Harrrrrryyyyy Potttttter thing being a massive con. IMHO.

Now, I love JK. She can con me ANYTIME. But trying to spin this as a substantial mythology warranting 3 hour prequel? What is the plot? Someone trying to out Dumbledore / steal his underpants / grant an assisted places scheme to needy Hogwarts parents? Do stop.

3:

Trailer release = Upstaged by that ghastly HARRRRRRYYYYYYY POTTTTTTTERRR reunion at HBO. Forgive my muggle French. But they can all fuck right off. No JK = no Harry Potter.

She IS this brand. So not inviting her to that celebration documentary (if indeed she was not invited?) = a fuck off-able offence. They can fuck right off. Then when done fucking off, they can come back for a good secondary fucking off to an infinite power of fuck off.

4:

WARNER BROS PRESENTS? No. You don’t. You are a studio with distribution rights and merchandising / production stake. Notice no ‘JK PRESENTS’? Or did I miss that?

5:

Blatant misuse of Oxford and public school iconography. Trivial kids’ tv level pitch blown up to some pseudo religious proportion. Portentous = pretentious!

6:

Unimaginative casting of MADS MIKKELSEN as yet another baddie of the week in franchise of the day. ALL because of a cruel and unjust (imho) character assassination on Johnny Depp. I love Mads (RIDERS OF JUSTICE is genius). But this? It’s lazy casting, sorry!

7:

I hate it. You all love it, no doubt. The end.

 

EXPELLIO PETRAMUS. N shit.



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