23 May 2022 489 Views

Does Ethan Hunt turn GAY in the new MISSION:IMPOSSIBLE?

by James Murphy

No. Course not! He’s STRAIGHT! He does big STUNTS! He is seen with actual WOMAN! And played of course, as always, by TOM CRUISE, the straightest man in the universe, ever.

Seriously though. Stop the gay slurs. Not that being gay is a slur anymore. If you say that shit about him, it is actionable and you are just jealous. Think on it, thus: Cruise has dated /married some of the world’s sexiest women.

Nicole Kidman! Rebecca DeMornay! Seriously. Even if those were prolonged ‘beards’ (they are not), the guy has more style and substance than most of us of any sexual persuasion / proclivity.

Tom is a GOD. He works, relentlessly, repeatedly and always wins. I love his ethic, self improving strivings and unlimited drive.

So WHY did I start the article with a silly click-baity thing? Because, to me/ It is the ONLY way to make the new MISSION:IMPOSSIBLE look interesting. Seriously.

Now, they have released the trailer for ‘Dead Reckoning, Part 1‘ (shit title, imho). ONE YEAR EARLY. Why? Because it was delayed. They want to cash in on the TOP GUN hype.

It makes sense. And the usual tropes are present and correct. Glossy. Speedy. Global. Glam. Tom being messianic and somehow ‘rogue’, again? Hints of a massive conspiracy thing. Flashing strobe lights. ‘Impossible’ stunts. Etc. So why am I not ‘sold’? Given, especially, that I remain curious and will no doubt both see and love said sequel next year?

Well:

1: The locations, I hate to say, look kinda..familiar?

Sand (Ghost Protocol). Italy (M:I-3?); Night clubs (FALLOUT); Trains (JAMES BOND).

2: They appear to have cast Henry Czerny as the main baddie?

Fans will remember his turn as Kittridge in the first ‘Mission’ movie. And yes, said character disliked Ethan Hunt. But he was NOT a villain per se, so much as a pain in the arse / thorn in side / pompously career minded, officious bureaucrat. So, whilst this is just a trailer? And yes, it could be bait and switch? Making this guy the ‘big bad’ would be a massive mistake, surely?

3: This trailer is meant to be a teaser, right?

It gives away far too much, whilst revealing little of any substance to plot. Because there might well be nothing of said substance to the piece. Yes, each movie in the series has reveals, twists, mask pull offs, fake outs and so on.

But in terms of ‘Ethan Hunt: here is mission. these are baddies. You must do x, y-z with these bespoke team member skills etc’: I would argue that we STILL have not seen that from this Cruise led series?

It’s basically all him. Doing stunts. Whilst being rogue, on the run, from his own people. So instead of expecting ‘the impossible’? I frankly predict more of the s(h)ame. 

4: Cruise’s own facebook page teases the idea that ‘it all led to this’ , or words to that effect.

They said similar things with the last two Bond movies. That is called a ret-con and it is lazy and contrived. It also bodes ill for Ethan Hunt, given that this is a two part arc? IE: He dies. Or dies and then is resurrected/ascended/promoted/married/pipe and slipper’d?

5: Simon Pegg is still in this. Despite many other, cooler IMF team members never coming back for sequels. The injustice! 

I reserve judgement, of course. But yeah. Meh, for now? Best of luck to all involved, anyway. I will disavow this trailer rant. 



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