Movie Characters Confront Essay Crises as New Term Kicks Off..
That time of year again: all the kids are back at school and the students should have returned to College /Uni /woteva they call it now. One common feature? The Essay Crisis! That time when you just left things to the wire and have to cram the prep, drafting and editing into one night?
It’s ok. George Lucas wrote his Star Wars prequels that way it seems and that never did him any harm (seriously). Ditto, anyone involved with Batman v Superman and pretty much every super-hero film nowadays, as those things frankly write themselves, even with all the cut and paste pseudo erudite CNN clips and philosophical debates they throw in as filler.
But what of the actual film characters themselves? Imagine if they, too, faced last minute essay stress. How might they handle it? We’ll find out here. And all with a little help from our friends at AffordablePapers.com.
Dammit! I am completely shattered from that Cross Fit style work out I did and beating the living shit out of all those scumbag criminals on the street. I’m in the Bat-Cave now at my computer. But am falling asleep a lot and keep having weirdo dream visions. I MUST get this essay on ‘Justice League of America Meta Humans‘ in by tomorrow, latest.
I know! I’ll just download it from my memory stick. The one I nicked off Lex Luthor. Ooooo sexy pic of Wonder Woman there. Copy and paste and done by dawn.
I need to write a speech endorsing the Sokovia Accords. You know, that old chestnut about registration of all super-heroes and requiring Government approval before we save anybody? You can see the darker implications for civil freedoms, I get that. But trust me, this is the best way.
Pepper Potts would agree with me. Damn I miss her. And I see a nice bottle of Scotch somewhere in Avengers HQ. JARVIS cannot help me write this anymore as he is now THE VISION. Hang on? Why don’t I just stop this outer monologue and just WRITE the darn thing?
Problem solved. Ok I need a work-station, well lit. File under the personal server for now.
Am drafting a report to debrief on that SPECTRE incident. I cannot be arsed. I’d rather break glass and slash my wrists! Besides, NOBODY would believe my suggestion that the whole organisation was based on a family feud with my adoptive brother, Blofeld. Be easier to accept an invisible car or lasers in space, frankly.
Perhaps Q Branch have a template I can download? Or I could call MoneyPenny or Felix..see what they would do?
Hang on..this just in. They’re going to pay me ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY MILLION to do TWO essays back to back? I’ll do it!
I have a logical theory to test and this requires expression in a creative writing format called ‘essay’. The logic is sound. Very Vulcan. But an essay? All too human, I fear. No i never ‘fear’: that is an emotion to which I cannot succumb. Cheating is not permitted, unless you are Captain Kirk.
This MUST be ‘my’ work. Thankfully, I can access old works by my future and now late self, Spock ‘Prime’. If I simply take his essays and condense the best bits then ‘reboot’ in a newer and glossier format, the solution is presented and the assignment completed.
I must complete your work, Grandfather. Show me the DARK SIDE. Show me the best essay shortcuts. But I feel the call from the Light, too. It is strong. I am compelled to try and write this myself. Brainstorm, plan, craft, draft, edit? I need to know if I have the strength to do this. I know..I will ask my Father..oh..I kind of burned my bridges there.
Supreme Leader Snoke can perhaps read my draft and complete my training in the ways of a Dark Side user essay writer. Yes! This will be a high quality product. ‘First Order’, even?
History assignment? Me? Well, it kinda ties to Archaeology I guess. And I have to keep myself busied before my next adventure (3 years away, if you believe what you read). Open University Course on Modern History. Something about causes of the rise and fall of the Third Reich / Nazi Germany.
Well, the rise was driven by belief, faith. They went searching for artifacts all over the Globe. That’s a matter of record, though some we will have to take as mythology, which cannot be accepted at face value. Truth is not the same as fact. The fall? Well sometimes they actually FOUND the darn objects and that kinda destroyed them. Ark of the Covenant, Holy Grail, Book of Job, Eden, Atlantis. Sword of Arthur.
I’ll need some access to eye-witness reports, of course. Primary /secondary sources. This could take AGES. I’ve got just one night. Shit. Typical me, leaving things til the last minute, making it up as I go along. I can hardly lecture Mutt about this sort of thing. Dad and Marcus would kill me if they knew I’d been so sloppy!
Hang on..eyewitness accounts huh? Sources? What was I thinking? I AM A LIVING SOURCE! I’ll just paste in bits of my memoirs. Indiana Jones and the Essay Crisis: SOLVED!
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