07 January 2019 3130 Views

SATAN thanks CHRISTIAN BALE for ALL his (s)Inspiration

by James Murphy

‘Old Nick’ gives special Recognition to his most favouritest actor ever..

RATED R for Violence and adult content.

 

Christian! Thank you so much for inspiring me all these years. I really could not do this job without you. You have saved me many, many times. I appreciate it’s not easy to do what you do, so I thought I would give you a shout out here.

Whenever I am not feeling evil enough? I just watch AMERICAN PSYCHO. Instantly, I feel empowered to cause some really nasty shit!

SHAFT also motivates me, bigly. The way you threaten a witness in that film puts me to shame.

Once? I even took a break from being evil. Around 2012. No more card games with God for the fate of the universe. No more bartering for eternal souls or trying to tempt Job or Jesus et al. I saw a movie called DARK KNIGHT RISES and thought ‘I can do that’. I retreated. To a cafe in Florence. It was lovely. For a year or so. Then Beelzebub (in womanly form) got bored..we started fighting and people wanted another iteration of ‘GOD VS SATAN: DAWN OF INJUSTICE’ so I had to pack in the nice happily ever after. Make a heaven from hell and all that. The world NEEDS me: an administrator of evil; I play a constructive role through being..kinda..destructive? And I need, YOU, Christian Bale! Honestly. Affleck? He just did not do it for me..so I punished him with a little curse called ‘JUSTICE LEAGUE‘. Trust me: I would not wish that on my worst enemy!  Great guy, though..just not..you? 😉

Above all? THAT rant! It’s SUBLIME, mate. ANYTIME I am failing to motivate fellow demons or I need to shout at people whose souls wot I nicked? ‘WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? AH..NO! NO! NO! SHUT THE FUCK UP!’ It’s scarier and funnier than me at my most scarily funny. LOVE IT!!

 

So: a very warm CONGRATULATIONS on your Golden Globes win for VICE. GOOOD FOR YOU! ‘Happy to have inspired you as you do the same for me. Cheney of course IS revered as well as reviled, which is what makes him so compelling a challenge for a man of Bale’s abilities to portray. And I suspect THAT rather than genuine attack on Dick / ode to Satan, was the kind of dualism that Christian was satirising in his speech. Perhaps that back-FIRED..

Seriously though: congratulations to ALL winners at the GOLDEN GLOBES awards! I especially LOVE how Hollywood thinks it is being so ‘right on’ by nominating BLACK PANTHER for best DRAMA. Despite the fact that it was not a drama and not even the best action/adventure/comic book picture of the year. It’s the MESSAGE of the thing: that ACTUAL BLACK DUDES can get actual WORK in a system that is in NO WAY STILL IN DENIAL about institutional racism, worldwide! I love that, honestly. Well done, too to lots of BRIDDISH people getting awards. Olivia Mustard (brilliant in everything and she is in EVERYTHING so makes sense to award her ONLY for a ‘historical’ film). Robert Modden (awesome in ‘Bottyguard’: i have never seen an actor brave the baring of a bottom more selflessly or say ‘ma’m’ with an earpiece still in, on repeat, so convincingly).

Ok: REALLY seriously (as in 4th wall breaking serious): well done to ALL winners. Especially the outstanding RAMI MALEK. The man is a consummate actor, professional and truly gifted. He’s also a nice bloke, it seems. So let’s NOT (say that in Bale voice) relegate him to ‘next Bond villain’. Let’s elevate the talent and at least stick him in the conversation for the leading man, action hero /romantic lead parts. He deserves it. And so do audiences. Especially if we are now truly about inclusive equality and rewarding the best film professionalism, without agenda or boundary.

Also: HOW COOL was it to see DANIEL CRAIG and IDRIS ELBA at the same table: two impossibly cool, talented, hard working MOVIE STARS. Bit like JAMES BOND. 😉

 

nb trolls: article filed under ‘humo(u)r’/satire. n shit.



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