31 May 2019 7861 Views


by James Murphy

The Country is Calling. Hiddleston might just have to Answer..




He’s been linked with every role going. From JAMES BOND to SUPERMAN and BATMAN, HE-MAN, INDIANA JONES..even GOD HIMSELF. But there is ONE role that TOM HIDDLESTON might just have to take up.

Because, with the UK currently in a mess and EVERYONE in the WHOLE WORLD now standing for leader of the Conservatives/ Prime Minister? Only TOM can save us all! He’d need parachuting into a safe seat first but we can sort that. Besides, constitutionally, who says we need have him be an MP? He could just stand as LORD PROTECTOR. For Life!

Here’s a list of why Tom would really win any contest against the other multiple candidates for PM, UK..


1: He could use Loki mind powers to resolve Brexit!

Loki is the God of mischief and knows mind control. So Tom could trick the EU into accepting ALL our terms! Convince ‘Brexiteers’ they really do want a second referendum and to just remain. Then, get all the remaining ‘remoaners’ to suddenly become born again believers in Brexit! Problem solved. Then use dark magic to convince each group they are living in the ideal outcome that they wanted from the outset. More than enough to out-do the GREAT..SAJID JAVID (another contender who also has magic powers; legend has it that if you say his name three times..all of the country’s problems just DISAPPEAR?).

2: Can provide own Security

We would save on Bodyguards! Seriously, Tom does ALL his own stunts and is AMAZING at FIGHTING. Just watch NIGHT MANAGER and KONG: SKULL ISLAND. those action scenes in no way at all were augmented by editing.

3: Diplomacy

Hiddleston speaks countless languages. Urdu, Pushtu, Arabic, Punjabi, Hindi, Gujarati, Farsi, Silheti, Sanskrit, French, Latin, Ancient Greek, American English, Australian English and English-English. That’s a non exhaustive list, btw and just a sample, at a glance. So Tom would have no problem both conversing with leaders worldwide and keeping negotiations secret by switching to another language or even dialect where required.

4: Women LOVE him!

Tom has an adoring female fanbase, worldwide. They think he has a ‘nice bum’. It is a well known fact that we now live in a tele-visual age. If elected, and assuming he’s not bested by the beauty of Esther McVey in this election, Hidds’ would be the prettiest PM since Tony Blair. These things matter: they win votes!

5: Ken Branagh approves of Tom. So would the whole world!

Sir Ken has often cast Tom in plays and almost made him THOR before realising Loki was perhaps more apt. They are seen together frequently on chat shows. If Tom is good enough for SIR KEN BRANAGH then he is good enough for the UK and the WHOLE WORLD!

6: He’s Dead Posh, Innit. But Still Right On and Street!

Tom’s been Oxford yeah. But NEVER MENTIONS IT. NOT ONCE. AT ALL. NOBODY KNOWS HE GOT A FIRST IN CLASSICS! So, he is trained for: White Tie Dinners, Fancy Dress Balls, Saturday night Discos. You name it, Tom can blend in! Learned the trade from her majesty’s finest. But at the same time? The kid is just like one of you, the little common people folk. He can slum it, where needed, having once appeared in BBC’s CASUALTY. So: this guy can face the top brass of the TORIES yet STILL Campaign with the man on the Clapham omnibus, because he is in touch, in time and right on message. Word! Safe, Blud! Wagwan.


There are NO SKELETONS in THIS man’s CLOSET! Seriously. You could not hope to meet a nicer, more wholesome, more decent human being. Many politicians fall to sleaze. Tom would NOT be one of them!


SO, Go On TORIES: Stop being silly and letting everyone else stand for leader. Just appoint TOM HIDDLESTON! 


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