16 December 2020 1544 Views

Rival stars respond to THAT Tom Cruise RANT!

by James Murphy

Oi! Ethan Hunt..Think you are the ONLY super-ranter in Town? Nah!

Fellow stars have lined up to denounce Cruise’s attempt at being all mean.

 

  • CHRISTIAN BALE: Tom! What the F##k are you DOING, yeah? No! No! NO! Shut the f”k up man. Hey, that was not a RANT. I did the RANT. Besides, Tom did not go far enough. Hey it’s fu”ing DISTRACTING yeah when crew are there bullshitting around in the background. With or without masks, socially distanced, Covid or not..they come up and TRASH your scene. NO! NO! Let’s NOT take a minute let’s GO AGAIN. Oh Tom you’ve been on the phone to studios? OH GOOOOOOD FOR YOU! And how was it? I hope it was good because it’s USELESS now. Fux sake man. You and me, we’re DONE, professionally…’

 

  • Alec Baldwin: I am not in this Mission film coz spoiler i fuc’in DIED in the LAST one. That’s right. They KILLED ME. Those FAT, UNGRATEFUL, UGLY, PIGS..

 

  • Mel Gibson: By now, the whole world knows that Tom Cruise has had a rant. The expected thing is for Tom to just say sorry. Instead, I am offering this bounty on Tom’s head. ONE MILLION DOLLARS to ANYONE who can rant BACK at Cruise as earnestly as he did them. Do you know any scumbag who will not rant at Tom? Nice work, suger-tits. Mission:Impossible is responsible for ALL the wars in the world.

 

  • Charlie Sheen: Why should not Tom have the rant, man? He is a WINNER. Winners RANT. I know this because Tom is a winner because he once drank a sample of my tiger-blood when he played that vampire. But he WINS. When you are WINNING? When you cannot STOP WINNING? You cannot stop RANTING, either!

 

Tom Cruise was unavailable for comment. Or another rant. NB: filed under satire you DUMB, STUPID, MOTHER…..

nb: Tom usually v nice; he will no doubt calm down; stakes ARE high and the man works incredibly hard. He’s not the messiah of movies but neither is he completely unfounded in his claims / legit fears as producer. Like a parent / teacher who gives kids a short sharp shock to get a result.



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