22 December 2020 2004 Views

THE BBC is Full of Sh#t?

by James Murphy

Calm Down. I don’t mean scrap licence fees or accuse them of social engineering. I simply, quite literally mean, their programming appears unhealthily fixated with faecal matter. 

I believe in the BBC, as an idea/ideal. All the streaming services in the world cannot generate real-time counterpart community or engage in national identity representation. To ask for the loss of such a vital cog in societal wheels is to my mind, self destructive and defeating.

That said? They do need to reduce the fee cost, radically and accept their redundancy in certain sectors. Above all? They need to drop this bizarre fixation with doing toilet.

I genuinely wish that were a joke. It isn’t. I took two BBC shows, at random. Netflix was showing Motherland. I-Player had Graham Norton’s show. The former is watchable because Lucy Punch is in it and hilarious/beautiful/adorable. The latter is an always entertaining, informal, revelatory chat with celebs who otherwise, in every other show, are bound by rigorous sales scripts yet let hair down with the witty Norton.

So I can love both and indeed, do. I will switch onto Christmas specials for both, gladly. One caveat. They, like so many media luvvy shows nowadays, but specifically BBC, seem to take genuine relish in discussing bowel movements.

The more puerile, detailed, noxious, personal, inappropriate, the better. Yet these are the same sorts who recoil at the mention of Trump/Brexit/natural, organic, male/female/middle class/civil romantic ideals. A strange triple standard.

Motherland is populated by singularly unsympathetic, unlovely characters. The only recurring male is impossibly inept to the extent it is incredible, even in comedy. It is socially inclusive and on message, copying, it seems the identical moral and social politics from the far superior (yet occasionally, just as hypocritical?) Outnumbered.

Racism is bad, unless of course, it is casually anti-Irish. Note to liberal luvvies: Peter Hitchens is funnier than you on that score if you read his pompous prose; he never wastes an opp to say ‘Irish Republican’.

But at least he stands for something in a manner that your vile BBC production line comedy does not. I would genuinely rather have tea with Hitchens. I digress. Seriously though: racism bad in BBC sitcoms. Except against the Oirish. That is fine, coz you have a staff writer /actor from Dublin. Moving swiftly on..

So, The Norton show last week. Great line up. David Tennant! Michael Sheen! Vanessa Kirby! George Clooney! Viola Davis! Great. There was one other guest. She was so unremarkable that I frankly cannot even be bothered to google who it was.

But her conversation consisted of a story about her kid putting flags. In shit. Closely followed by Clooney yet AGAIN telling the story about how he likes to smear Nutella in nappies and now encourages his kids to do same. Everyone laughs rather than calls social services.  George, George. You have been telling this story now for over a year.

It’s not funny, it’s odd and AT odds with your depiction of kids speaking fluent Italian. If they’re that great (fair play if so: most 3 year olds just want a hug?) then surely they feel a BIT confused / annoyed by having such civilised, academic engineering undermined by smearing ersatz excrement?

In one of life’s further ironies, Clooney recounted how he is often asked why he does not make movies like Oceans 11 anymore. His rationale was old age. What George forgets is that he could indeed still be fronting a big movie every now and then, at any age.

His star quality was never about age or youth but an old school CLASS, masculinity and erudition fused to film star accessibility. As shown in: The Peacemaker, ER and yes, George: Batman and Robin (terrible film, in which you are awkward but still awesome).

You could and should have run for Office if you cannot be movie star anymore? Or do a Dr Ross mini-series for HBO. Join the Batman multi-verse as a proper version of your take on Bruce Wayne (it would be great). Cut the shit! Literally 🙂

Granted, Clooney is not BBC. But they do make a natural fit, given the shared fixation on..shit? And no. It’s not just coz you are all now parents. Congrats. Well done. Nobody needs the nappy details? Everyone has bodily functions. Keep it regular. Get it checked. Babies cannot do that so there’s more shit to wade through. Change nappy. Move along. Or is that too much to ask?

Obviously. Tennant and Sheen also had some faecal matters to discuss. The two guys are joined at the hip. And why not? David needs the extra weight as he is fading away. They both have lovely beards. And are talented.

Vanessa Kirby sat and smiled, awkwardly but charmingly. She did not partake in the shit-fest. Coz she has actual class, style, star quality, sex appeal and Oscar worthy acting credentials to promote. I may have reviewed her critically for the Mission:Impossible in which she was, miscast. But she is adorable and brilliant. Lovely legs and shoes, too. #bitofacrush

Sadly, by contrast..
I do not know where this fixation with ‘poo’ began for the BBC. But it has to stop. I blame Jo Brand. Seriously. She and a lot of other leftist ‘comedians’ made a virtue of talking, in detail, about bodily functions. Because, sure. Why not? It’s a brief break from seeking racists under the bed.

At least it is not VILE! EVIL! TORY! SCUM! etc.. I paraphrase but let’s remember that Brand was the one who thought throwing battery acid suitable subject matter for a ‘joke’ once upon a time. Stick to poo, Jo. Or throwing it. Whatever floats your particular marine vessel. But BBC: do not inflict it on us, yeah?

I have high hopes all the same for the Christmas special of Motherland. At least it’s not the now moribund Doctor Who or the never ending cycle of 35 years of ‘Buy the ‘Caff’/Vic/Arches/Laundrette /kill Ian Beale/try to kill yourself misery that is Eastenders. Duff duff duff.

Lots of Lucy Punch in Motherland, please. But NO close-ups of inferior women plotting to bully her while themselves being ostensibly anti-bully.

AND, please, BBC: NO SODDING CLOSE UPS OF PEOPLE IN /ON/MID toilet. It’s not funny. Or endearing. It’s just very bloody ODD. Maybe Gérard Depardieu was right when he declared ‘fuck le BBC‘ or words to that effect..

Here endeth the b(l)og.



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