..as in..WHAT THE ACTUAL F….
..Did we just see? I will summarise it. So you need not watch this BBC shit…I am taking one for the team and digesting it for you!
They are STILL full of shit. As in, verging on the coprophiliac. The lovely actress, Emily Blunt was basically asked whether she had ever shat herself? Source: Graham Norton Show. Again.
Graham. It’s been nice. You were funny, once. Clever, even. Not anymore.
Blunt, like Kirby before her, handled this shit-show well. But even then was compromised. Having to apologise for never having shit herself. It’s grotesque.
I don’t rate Kirby or Blunt as action heroines. And I loathe the Hollywood-ised accentuated RP vocals which are redundant, given both actresses are well spoken in any event.
But they are genuinely funny, classy, good actresses and talented. So please, never subject them to Norton. Ever.
In which, at a glance / in nutshell:
- Gang of what I must simply describe as ‘mooses’ (90s lad vernacular slang: unattractive women) storm the home of a blonde, beautiful, civilised counterpart (Lucy Punch, adorable).
- They proceed to soil her carpet.
- With blood.
- Old people are termed ‘coffin dodgers’. And are expected to clean up / put on a Christmas spread for the ungrateful mooses they have somehow raised as the next generation, who themselves, miraculously, are actual ‘parents’ now.
- But hey! It’s all good. Coz they have CAROLS playing in the background to a self indulgent, mawkish end montage. Despite ‘JESUS’, ‘JESUS CHRIST’, ‘CHRIST’ and variations of said being the main basis of the dialogue, throughout. Funny how they daren’t do that for a n other prophet, right? Just sayin’.
DOCTOR WHO? As in seriously, who or what is this shit???
- Bringing back John Barrowman only highlights how awful the rest of it is. He is an energetic, enthusiastic, charismatic, physical presence. The rest of the cast are flat. Including, alas, the nominal lead, Jodie Whittaker. She could have been great. Maybe had she been given actual DIRECTION / WRITING of quality? She wasn’t. So she isn’t.
- Time to rest the show, reboot the format and yes, regenerate her, I am afraid. Bringing in John Bishop (not as the Doctor, alas?) is already a tired trope that smacks of desperation.
- Harriet Walter is given a pointless part. Seriously, THIS IS ONE OF OUR FINEST ACTORS. Could have been a great Rani/Romana/other Doctor. But no. You recycle the ‘politicians are bad’ motif.
- Chris Noth, equally..just imagine how cool he could have been as Captain Jack Harkness’ Dad or something. But no. He’s Trump.
- Emily Maitlis appears in a cameo. WHHHYYYYY???? It’s an outdated, overused trope. Plus she upstages the leading actress with one glimpse of those Maitlis shoes.
- EVERY idea in this episode had been done before and better by Russell T Davies. To be fair, the rot actually set in under Steven Moffat: whose mistake was a near crusade to ‘do’ the kind of romantic and comedic beats Russell did so well. Moffat’s strength is plot, not soul. Hence we got the overuse of River Song. The miscasting / misdirection of Capaldi (started strong, all but changes sex pre regeneration such is his emasculation in his last shows). Etc. But Moffat had at least some moments of diction, dialogue, imagery.
- Chris Chibnall (current showrunner) is just..shit.
- Seriously though: CHIBNALL. IS. SHIT. FIRE HIS ARSE. YESTERDAY. This ‘special’ was the shittest fucking embarrassment episode of a once cherished series..ever. Getting rid of him as karma for his precocious attack on John Nathan Turner’s management of the same brand years ago. JNT at least kept things varied, interesting, full of possibility. Chibnall is just bleeding the show dry and running it into the ground.
4 +5: still alive?..
DUFF DUFF DUFF. Eastenders.
I did not watch it. But would bet vital parts of my anatomy to the effect that it featured: violence / threats of; shanking / beating / baseball bat/ grunting/ discussion of sexual abuse / rehashing of 25 year feuds? That sorta thing.
And if that’s not enough violence for you, BBC also have yet ANOTHER real life serial killer ‘thriller’ (no, it isn’t..if it’s happened already and is true life then it aint a thriller: spoiler?!). Starring Jenny/Jenna/Jen Cole-something or other. She too is fairly derivative. Which is probably why Doctor Who in its recent years launched her career.
So. WTAF /BBC. I congratulate you. You REALLY ARE full of..SHIT. Sorry. That’s offensive. Shit has some higher purpose in an ecosystem. This kind of substandard programming doesn’t.