25 February 2021 675 Views

New Spider-Man film was almost called Home-O

by James Murphy

And then they thought better of it. SPIDER-MAN NO WAY HOME = title for the upcoming third entry in the Tom Holland /Marvel /Sony Spider-verse.

And just to be clear. Home-0 would not have been pronounced ‘Homo’ but home -zero. As in coordinates. To the multiverse 616? Neither Tom Holland nor Spiderman is a gay guy. Not that there is anything wrong with that idea. One day? Every hero will be bi and actors will be outed as HETEROSEXUAL in shock intrusions to their privacy.

Meantime? We have to settle with Peter Parker just being VERY VERY SENSITIVE, VERY CLOSE TO his friend Ned, in no way man-crushing on Tony Stark and prone to tears.

No homo or hetero-phobia here, thank you! Bi-Derman would be fine by us.

Anyway, back to this third film. Here is what we know:

  • Probable release by Winter, albeit with a specific and limited timeframe. 
  • The louder they shout no cameo from Toney Maguire /Andrew Garfield? The more obvious it becomes that they will not only feature in this film, but substantially so.
  • Kraven the Hunter as likely antagonist, on the trail of a now fugitive Peter Parker?
  • No magic tech from Iron Man: this is finally the underdog / under-arachnid loser of the comic books, back stuck to the wall, odds stacked against him, with little to no capital means at his disposal?
  • That being said, Doctor Strange may very well feature and the events here should tie logically both to his Multiverse of Madness movie and the current run of Wandavision /Loki et al on Disney Plus. All while allowing for more Venom and Morbius interactions with this Holland iteration of Spidey.
  • Spider-man will be straight and in love with a WOMAN: MJ. Though J-Jonah does try and out Peter Parker with help from a Mysterio illusion, it is proven to be fake footage and rooted in the newspaper man’s own repressed feelings (‘I WANT SPIDERMAN!‘).

All in all? We are very excited for this. Very best of luck to all involved.

English tenses 

 

 



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