12 January 2022 378 Views

The Theatre of British Politics, Now. Is Boris Toast?

by James Murphy

Answer: No. He will ride this one out. Just like he rides other..matters. 

I said no politics. I lied. This is viral stuff. Pure cinema!

 

Put simply: Boris the PM had a party. JUST as Britain shut down and people began an enforced period of restraint, loss and sacrifice. BIG MISTAKE. Now, when is a party not a party? When it is a quasi work gathering with corridors and fresh air. But if you ‘bring a bottle’ (vulgar request btw; never do that on invites, even as a young adult): that’s a party. Big time.

Was it last days of Rome stuff? No. They could not ensure the safety of the farm animals so there was no bestial action or orgiastic fun. But it does show a deeply insensitive, disorganised, shambolic and out of touch leadership. And that defines this PM.

Moments of clarity verging on genius. Then spoiled by last minute attempts at going woke or being more on message with the media morality of the day. We elected a warrior with Churchillian notions, a shameless fan of Roman emperor machination. We got a messy, mawkish, manipulative child.

Can Boris be redeemed? Maybe.  And an enquiry will no doubt clear him, with points to note, once this has all died down a tad. His apology, just staged in Parliament, was contrite, clear and concise. But also too little, too late, just like the hair trim accompanying it. His position has been weakened, perhaps beyond repair. The Tories do not like a loser.

Indeed, all PMs are now vulnerable. Their tenure life expectancy used to be a solid 6-7 years. Now it’s more 2-3. So the countdown to departure has started. Cue Boris scoring millions on the lecture circuit in America, alongside the adorable Carrie. And we probably then face a Rishi Sunak regime at 10 Downing Street.

 

That said? LABOUR. STARMER. You had ONE JOB, yeah? Mr Forensic Barrister advocate. Sir Keir: you’re a nice guy. You’re a nice guy. But that don’t f”kin cut it when you’re f”kin bullshittin around in the background yeah (I borrow there from Mr Christian Bale’s rant of 2009; never gets old). Instead of listing an objective series of points, questions and application to fact? You went in all value judgement-y ‘pathetic’ etc. No, no no, NO! This could have been your Robin Cook vs supergun arms to Iraq moment. BIG MISSED OPP! You should have just handed over to the REAL star of the House, today. ANGELA RAYNER..

..Oh Angela, how I do I adore thee? Let me count the ways. Even a mask cannot hide your sexy redhead poise. You are as compellingly powerful in boots as in today’s innocent lil trainers. A cigarette has never looked so cool as in your fair hand. Call me ‘Tory scum’ anytime. You should be leader of the opposition, PM and a movie star. And welcome for tea in London, anytime! In my dreams. And quite a few other boys’ (and girls)’ fantasies, everywhere. Upstages everyone in the House just by sitting there and looking amazing. God bless her. #bitofacrush 😉 

So. This soap /theatre will run and run. Boris: you always wanted to be a Roman Emperor? Be careful what you wish for. One party just might have brought down your..um..party..and if they start sensing defeat creeping in? You will be betrayed, beaten and ousted. Because that’s how you gained office in a way, yourself? And that is politics, drama and indeed, life.

 

TO BE CONTINUED?!…



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