24 April 2022 1752 Views

The Northman. The worst film I have ever seen.

by James Murphy

I have watched many stinkers in my time. But NORTHMAN takes the nordic, scandi, norse biscuit. Here’s why:

1: There is no plot.

2: LOTS of close ups of guys; minimal counterpart glimpses of actual WOMEN.

3: Nicole Kidman is in this for FIVE. MINUTES. Trade descriptions?!

4: Claes Bang: wonderful man; even sent me a nice note for a DRACULA review a few years back. But this? The dude barely speaks, moves, anything. WASTED OPP!

5: Not enough action! Seriously. This is sold as a war/battle movie. NOT ENOUGH of said!

By all means go and see this festering turd of a film. IF you cannot sleep and wanna get some shut eye in the cinema. Otherwise? AVOID. LIKE THE PLAGUE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.



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