NEW ROYAL REVELATIONS!
‘Many people will not believe me. But Megz and I have travelled in time. It was a machine, provided by the Royal Family and withheld to millions more who need its services. So we nicked it’.
Among the revelations Harry will share:
- Edward II: ‘I helped him come out as a Gay. Shame, because they killed him for that. But that just shows the struggles Royals have with privacy’.
- Richard III: ‘He was a nice man. No hunchback’.
- Henry VII: ‘Tight with money. Has no alibi for the Princes in the Tower. Just sayin’, like’.
- Henry VIII: ‘Stole my look. The beard, the ginger thing, all of it. Not a good bloke at all though very solid as a tennis player and song writer’.
- Elizabeth I: ‘Much like Megz. Strong. Powerful. Influencer. But I killed 25 Spaniards for her, and she never even said ‘thanks”.
- James VI and I: ‘Vile man. Accused Megz of witchcraft, as though that’s a bad thing?’.
- Oliver Cromwell: ‘Ok, not a Royal. But he succeeded where I have so far, failed, in bringing down a monarchy, for a bit. Sadly, he said very racist things about the Irish and cancelled Christmas. Not cool at all’.
- George III: ‘Many people think he was mad. But that was because the mental health access was not great. I set him up with a therapist. Talking to trees is fine. My Dad does it. It’s cool.‘.
- Edward VIII: ‘I told him. GET OUT. You have to save the woman you love. And if anyone makes fun of you for meeting Nazis, just blame your brother’.
NB: Filed under ‘satire’. As indeed, everything from Harry, ought be, from here on. Next up? He and Tom Bradby take turns impersonating Fr Dougal Mcguire.
